SON AS I AM WRITING HERE I FEEL THIS OVERWHELMING PAIN AND CANNOT HOLD MY TEARS. 6 YEARS HAS GONE BY WITHOUT HEARING YOU SAY MOMMA. FEELING YOUR HUGS OR HEARING YOU SAY I LOVE YOU MOMMA. I WILL NEVER GET USE TO THE ABSENCE OF MY SWEET BABY BOY. IT SEEMS MOST PEOPLE REMEMBER THINGS ABOUT YOU THAT WERE FUNNY AND CUTE. NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT I DO TOO MOST DAYS. YET, I REMEMBER THE TEARS IN YOUR EYES THE NIGHT YOU CAUGHT HEIDI CHEATING ON YOU AND HEARING YOU SAY MOMMA DON'T HATE ME IF I DO SOMETHING STUPID. I ALSO REMEMBER BEING TOLD TO LET YOU HANDLE YOUR OWN PROBLEMS AND STOP BABYING YOU. WHAT I WOULD GIVE TO HAVE THE CHANCE TO UNDO ALL THE HURT YOU WERE FEELING THE NIGHT YOU DIED. ALL THE PEOPLE WHO MADE FUN OF HOW YOU DRESSED, THE TATTOOS, YOUR CRAZY HAIRSTYLES OVER THE YEARS ARE SILENT NOW. YOU HAD THE BIGGEST HEART AND ALWAYS TRIED TO BE WHAT EVERYONE WANTED YOU TO BE. IT IS FUNNY THAT WHEN YOU CONFORMED TO THE PERFECT PERSON EVERYONE WANTED YOU LOST YOUR WAY AND TOOK YOUR LIFE. RELIGION IS NOT ALWAYS THE ANSWER. BUT ONE THING FOR SURE. BEING TRUE TO YOURSELF CANNOT GO WRONG IF YOU ARE TRULY HAPPY. GOD CREATED US ALL WITH A FREE WILL AND WE MAKE OR BREAK OURSELVES. NOTHING REPLACES THE LOVE THAT YOU HAD FOR ALL OF THOSE YOU LEFT BEHIND. I DO BELIEVE ONE THING. IN SPITE OF WHAT OTHERS SAY FROM RELIGOUS BACKGROUNDS. YOU ARE AT PEACE AND WITH GOD. HE KNEW YOU WERE BROKEN AND FORGAVE YOU THE MOMENT YOU PULLED THE TRIGGER. THAT IS THE KIND OF GOD I SERVE. JAY AND I WILL BE WTTH YOU SOMEDAY. THE HUG I HAVE MISSED FOR 6 YEARS WILL BE THERE AGAIN. I LOVE YOU PHILIP. "FLIP" TO THOSE WHO WERE CLOSEST. YOU ARE NOT FORGOTTEN. LOVE, MOMMA